For this installment of the latest in new releases, I’ve enlisted the help of close friend and fellow music commiserator Nate Dubbz, who has finally acknowledged my incessant requests to contribute something to the site. The opinions expressed herein are not those of Floodwatchmusic.com, nor any of its affiliates – ah, who am I kidding? I endorse everything he says here.

Perhaps I am a genius, or an asshole hack, or even an embittered going-nowhere-bass guitar-lifer. Most likely the latter, and while i do sometimes like sugared melody and varying degrees of predictability, Safe as Houses is as conservative as Millard Fillmore (by the way, that’s a popular president’s name to drop right now. It offers much more ‘pres-cred’ than a Polk or James Buchanan mention. I guess it would be the rather obtuse name – do you know anyone named Millard? Hell no. Very cool. Although it should also be stated that, in hopes of seeming cool and hip, I have consciously overlooked the chance that Mr. Fillmore could have been, in fact, one of our country’s most liberal presidents. Facts are basically useless to me. Chicks dig that, and my hot bod – been working out. Was thinking about getting into some whey protein, maybe. Maybe I’ll wait till next summer. Why waste engorged muscles on the winter months? Gotta let those babies out.) Multiple guitar tracks pushing out stabs and big chords. The drummer has to love Dream Theater. The singer, Linkin Park. They are good musicians, and they know they are and they act like they are. It’s just too much. Too many fills, too much going on. I hate it.

I was in a band like this once. I thought we were really good, which we were and we new we were and we acted like we were. Of course, I ended up sleeping under an overpass off of I-75. Cincinnati, yo. But thats another story which didn’t end well. The CDs we made were nothing short of amazing and groundbreaking and why didn’t everyone else get it? Some did. Most did not. It was unfair because we were so much better than the majority of the stuff that was being signed and getting airplay. The thing was, the stuff we did sounded exactly like the stuff that was being signed and getting airplay. I thought that this was good. It was not. You have take some chances, people. Duck confit is awesome, but not if every restaurant serves it exclusively. I have no idea what that means. The band calls their album How It Feels To Be Erased (2007). Since I chose not to import their songs to my computer, they will be spared that feeling, this time.

“Minutes and Miles” – Safe as Houses 3:54 (How It Feels to Be Erased, self-released 2007)

Going against my better instincts, I put this CD my CD machine. Fingers tremble as I press play – gasp! – I didn’t know that Mark Sandman* also recorded with a mediocre rock band from Minneapolis. How can that be? This band is called Crash Anthem and their CD is called Inside a Red Room (2007). Drummer is, once again, a Mike Portnoy fan. Random lyrics from the liner notes: ‘hide my addiction’, ‘runnin on empty’, ‘lookin’ for a little vindication’, ‘product of intoxication’, ‘a time for the kill’, ‘run for your life.’ So what’s my point? I don’t know. The point is is that I have no point and neither does this music. This sucks. I would like to say that although I am typing in semi-coherent English right now, I am also screaming and a little part of me is dead after hearing this music. The badge of courage that they are wearing on their sleeve says, “I’m a frikken douche and I want everyone to know it.”

* This sentiment only relates to the first 20 seconds of the first song. Which, in my opinion, is the best thing this album has to offer.

“Typical People” – Crash Anthem 4:32 (Inside a Red Room, American Rock Band 2007)

Yes, thank you Lord. Thank you for Bristol’s Nova Robotics. (Bristol, UK not RI.) Elemental electronic landscapes with bursts and beats, which make trips in cars worthwhile. Actual instruments, like guitars, combined with un-actual instruments like drum machines and laptops have worked together to put a smile on my face and a feeling of ease, not dis-ease, in my soul. You want some comparisons? It’s like eating a mushroom cap and walking in the woods on a crisp sunny summer day. Or riding your bike downhill on a country road at dusk. Or like taking the train back to Boston from NYC at dawn on a cold winter morning, staring out the window and taking in the East Coast. Comparisons to other people that make music? Boards of Canada (as rightly stated in their bio), B. Fleischman, Dr. Nigel, and maybe a squirt of Lemon Jelly (but that could just be me, and probably is). The tunes are surprisingly short, with the longest one at 3:35; it would be interesting and exciting to hear the bad do an extended work, but I’m glad that they can make cohesive instrumental tracks in under four minutes. Bottom line: good starter from guys that I’d like to hear more from. Way to go, gentlemen.

“Delicate” – Nova Robotics 2:44 (Subterfuge EP, self-released 2007)