Salutations,

This is Jeff Weiss, guest-blogging for the artist formerly known as Floodwatch. You may know me from such blogs as The Passion of the Weiss, the LA Times Buzz Bands blog, and Mr. Chico’s Good Time Emporium (we’re new, but feisty as all hell).

Anyhow, while Flood regales his in-laws all this week with tales of Kool G Rap and Tim Rutili, I’ll do my best to fill in and hopefully live up to the high standard he’s already set. Then again, I don’t need to tell you people such things: you’ve heard, you’ve seen, you know.


Let’s face facts, High School High was pretty bad. I’m sure it has a few apologists ready to leap out of the woodwork, babbling about that “Rhinestone Cowboy” scene where the DJ lampoons J. Lo (vitz) and his utter crackerness.

Was there ever a film ever with a shorter shelf life than High School High? (and ones made by Pauly Shore don’t count.) High School High’s sole reason for being was to make some quick bucks lampooning another equally lame flick, the “whitey saves the day” sermon that was Dangerous Minds (a film only notable for featuring the song “Gangsta’s Paradise,” which in and of itself is only worthwhile for having inspired “Amish Paradise”).

But this was the mid-90’s, a period when mediocre films often produced shockingly good soundtracks (see also Great White Hype, Sunset Park) Not to mention the actually good hip-hop films that produced equally impressive compilations. From Juice, to Menace II Society, to Rhyme or Reason and The Show, it was indeed the golden era of the hip-hop soundtrack.

1. “So Many Ways”-The Braxtons

This was the same year as Toni Braxton’s “You’re Making Me High” video, a video where she looked so hot that she managed to fuck up the entire Dallas Mavericks franchise. This track features her two no-talent sisters, which didn’t really help much and proved why the Braxtons’ career and Toni is still rumored to be behind Jason Kidd’s recent divorce. Next.

2. “I Got Somebody Else”-Changing Faces

Changing Faces were a girl-group that R. Kelly produced at some point in the mid-90s. The song itself is forgettable. Instead, I’m much more interested in finding out the story that went on behind it’s recording. Did Kells have an orgy with both Faces? Did he take them to Sex Planet? Did he give them some “Real Talk?” The world must know.

3. “Wu-Wear: The Garment Renaissance”-Rza, Method Man & Cappadonna

If an alien came down to earth and asked me to explain why the Wu were the greatest rap group in history, I would probably play him “Wu-Wear.” Sure, you should probably play the alien “Triumph,” or “4th Chamber” or anything off Only Built 4 Cuban Linx, but few things crystallize the genius, madness and brilliant capitalistic sense of the Wu like ingeniously named “Wu-Wear: A Garment Renaissance.” The fact that these dudes were capable of making a classic track out of something that was essentially a commercial for their clothing line is some next level shit.

Meth glides slickly off the hook, telling America “Wu-Wear “ain’t what you want baby, it’s what you need.” The Rza recites some wobbly nonsense about “sodium glutamate, and “polysorbate.” Meanwhile, Cappadonna reads a list of every clothing company to take a full-page ad in The Source between 1992 and 1998. Listening to the track, one understands why people make statements like this.

4. “Get Down for Mine”- Real Life

Not even All Music Guide knows who these guys were? I’m guessing Lovitz’s cousins or something?

5. “I Just Can’t”-Faith Evans

Poor Faith. No one even remembers really that she used to sing, even though she was kinda’ good. Well, at least “I Just Can’t” is pretty solid. I’m willing to bet she doesn’t really care that much these days, rolling in all that posthumous Biggie money (that is if Puffy didn’t jerk her out of it). I’ll bet you that somewhere Charli Baltimore is seething that she wasn’t wise enough to get Biggie to the alter. I’ll wage L’il Kim’s fine financially, but you know that that cut off the Woo soundtrack just ain’t covering Charli’s bills.

6. “Your Precious Love”-Erykah Badu & D’Angelo

I bet you thought Erykah Badu and D’Angelo doing a collabo sometime in ‘96 would be hot. You were wrong. More rap and bullshit. Next.

7. “The Rap World”-Large Professor & Pete Rock

“The Rap World” finds two dudes best known for their production skills teaming up to murder a classic Petestrumental. Ironically, the track finds both Rock and the Professor talking about their dominance in the rap world, at a time when both of their careers were at a low ebb. Circa ‘96, the Prof was trapped in Geffen label hell, having not recorded an album since “Breakin’ Atoms.” Meanwhile, Pete Rock was laying low after the break-up with CL Smooth, masterminding the project that would become Soul Survivors. Either way, the collabo proves why both men are regarded as two of the best producer/rappers of all-time.

8. “Queen Bitch”-L’il Kim

Easily one of Kim’s best songs and one I’ve always found to be one glaringly ghost-written by Biggie. With intricate rhyme schemes, a supremely confident Kim swaggers, delivering a torrent of tongue-twisting rhymes: “If Peter Piper pecked ‘em/I betcha Biggie bust ‘em/He probably tried to fuck him/I told him not to trust him/lyrically, I dust ‘em off like pledge/hit hard like sledge/hammers/bitch with that platinum grammar.”

Coupled with the fact that Biggie spits a few bars in the middle of the verse, it’s pretty obvious who the architect behind the song was. Kim might never have released an album deserved five mics. Hell, she never recorded one that deserved four, but tracks like this proved why she’s regarded as one of the best female MCs of all-time.

9. “Why You Wanna’ Funk?”-Spice 1, E-40 & Da Click

Really, you mean to tell me that E-40 didn’t make his debut last year when the mainstream journalists “discovered” hyphy? Lies.

Either way, the best thing about this song is it’s title. And the title isn’t very good.

10. “Can’t Call It”-De La Soul

I’m willing to be this was a throwaway from the Stakes is High sessions, as both records were released in ‘96. While Stakes is High was very solid, it had a few dud beats as De La struggled to acclimate to life post-Prince Paul. This was one of them, repetitive dull drums, a tepid bass-line and uncharacteristically mailed in raps.

11. “Bohemian Rhapsody”-The Braids.

This is what the world of 1996 needed and wanted: a pointless cover of an old Queen song. In short: Wayne and Garth did it better. Skip.

12. “High School Rock”-KRS-One

Hmm….a KRS-One song sermonizing about the state of hip-hop, uplifting the people, and boasting of “conscious, lyrical rhymes.” Didn’t see that one coming.

13. “Peace, Prosperity & Paper”-A Tribe Called Quest

I’ll never understand how this cut didn’t make Beats, Rhymes & Life, which dropped just two months earlier, considering it was roughly 1,000 times better than the ignominiously titled, “Baby Phife’s Return?”

Tribe only dropped a couple b-sides and non-album tracks over the course of their career, but “Peace, Prosperity & Paper,” might be the best of bunch . A complex analysis of the perils of fame and fortune, “Peace” is neither a tedious lecture on sell-out rappers, nor is an obnoxious paean to the glories of wealth. Instead, Phife and Tip teeter in the murky gray area, the uneasy balance between a desire for financial comfort without betraying one stands for. In just four minutes, Tip and Phife eloquently express more nuance than most rappers could do in an entire album.

14. “Wild Side”-Jodeci

New Jack Swing in 1996 = Houston Rap in 2007. I.E. past it’s prime. Sadly, “Wild Side” is no “Come and Talk to Me,” it is no “Feenin’,” it is no “Freek n’ You.” Damn.

15. “The Ultimate”-The Artifacts

A decent song from a decent mid-90s group. Nothing remarkable in any way. I just find it interesting how much better this is than anything on the T.I. album.

16. “The Next Spot”-Sadat X & Grand Puba

One day, a bunch of black guys on my high school basketball team were freestyling while the very goofy and very very white 12th man stared on awkwardly. One freestyler looked at the 12th man and said, “what you know about freestyling, you got no flow [name redacted].”

Without missing a beat, the 12th man spit:

“I ain’t mad at this game/it’s been good to me/I get Tommy free/I get Nike free/I got 19 inch chromes on my 850/ I got three different cribs no tellin’ where I be/See, I don’t like to brag but I’m good at this rhyme thing/No Gun sling no drug things no matter what they hygiene, My level on conscious make some sound like nonsense
It me, [name redacted] puttin’ it to ya live.”

No one but me knew that he’d lifted the verse from “The Next Spot.” Consequently, everyone’s jaws dropped. He was treated with a great deal more respect after that.

17. “Skrilla”-Scarface & Facemob

Despite turns from both Scarface and Devin the Dude, this song is surprisingly mediocre. As one might expect, it is about “skrilla.” Rest assured, it is no “My Mind’s Playing Tricks on Me.”

18. “Semi-Automatic: Full Rap Metal Jacket”-U-God & Inspectah Deck

A few weeks ago, I wrote an On Second Thought on Inspectah Deck’s Uncontrolled Substance.

In the piece, I compared Deck to his alter ego, Rollie Fingers for their shared ability to dominate the game in brief stretches. His verse on “Semi-Automatic” does just that. As he says on the first line: “I set the mic in flames.” Did Rollie Fingers set mics in flames? I’m not sure, but how can one argue with a man who rocked such a magnificent mustache? Yes, magnificent.

19. “The Good, The Bad & The Desolate”-The Roots

Apart from the b.s. Shabba Ranks-esque hook, this is a classic Roots track, during their Illadelph-halflife peak. No dumb-ass Mims covers, no 12 minute prog-epics, just beats, rhymes and soul. Ah…memories.

20. “C’mon Ride the Train”-Quad City DJ’s

Don’t even front. You love this song. Admit it. I won’t tell.