As a self-confessed and self-repressed video game geek, I’ll fully admit that Guitar Hero II for PlayStation 2 has come dangerously close to controlling my life, and I don’t even own the damn thing – it’s just the assumed means of entertainment whenever I go next door to my neighbor Duff’s place. If you have even the slightest appreciation of rock music and haven’t played this game, I assure you that it’s the most fun you’ll ever have in front of a television screen, regardless of whether you’re a professional shredder of Steve Vai-like abilities or a tone-deaf dilettante who belts out Steely Dan in the private comfort of your car. Although Duff owns both Guitar Hero I and II, the latter far exceeds the first in the areas of stage animation and lighting, the addition of Cooperative and Face Off modes, and a More Stats screen that breaks down each performance autopsy-style. But most importantly, the songs are better, which it why it’s the one that we play exclusively; really, the selection of quality songs is the most critical aspect of the game. And parents, the more you play, the more you learn; for example, I never realized how brilliant the bassline for The Stooges‘ “Search and Destroy” was. And instead of vomiting into my genitals, which is my usual reaction upon hearing Aerosmith, I actually enjoy playing the biker-rock boogie of “Last Child.”

Since most of our Cooperative Mode gameplay consists of me convincing Duff that we need to play more metal songs (the Lamb of God and Megasus selections are personal favorites), I’ve often found myself wanting more distortion, more riffage out of my Guitar Hero experience. I could easily pick 500 songs I’d like to see on the next installment of Guitar Hero, but here are five that skirt the obvious suggestions (Zeppelin, The Beatles, Metallica) and lean more toward the heavier side of the rock music spectrum.

Arch Enemy “Ravenous” Wages of Sin Century Media 2001

Dual-harmonizing guitars are rarely ever a bad thing, which is why “Ravenous,” from Sweden’s Arch Enemy, would be a glorious addition to the Guitar Hero oeuvre. This track would likely be positioned toward the end of the main setlist (on perhaps the “Furious Fretwork” level); tricky sections would be the blistering opening lead and the unbelievable 16th-note triplets drill during the second solo – but watch for that tempo change during the bridge. Players can bicker over who gets to be which brother: Michael (ex-Carcass) or Christopher Amott, two Nordic thrashers of the same cloth who can construct leads like this in their sleep. “Ravenous” is arguably the finest example of the fruits of their labor, flawlessly combining their hummable melodicism with unrelenting aggression. Pity the poor game designer who erringly draws in some long-haired dude as the frontman; those demonic rasps belong to the undisputed Empress of Evil, Angela Gossow.

“Ravenous” – Arch Enemy 4:06 (Wages of Sin, Century Media 2001)

Built to Spill “Sidewalk” Keep It Like a Secret Warner Bros. 1999

Since J Mascis relinquished the throne of Indie Rock Guitar God to Doug Martsch, folks have generally been reluctant to acknowledge the Built to Spill figurehead’s unfathomably badass guitar skills; the inclusion of “Sidewalk” (from 1999’s near-perfect Keep It Like a Secret) should remedy this. The split-channel guitars would absolutely slay in Cooperative Mode, each player struggling to not only comprehend the complexities of each line but also their dependence on each other. It would also serve as a refreshing foray into modern rock among the presumed classic rock staples surrounding it – could you imagine this following something like, I don’t know, Fleetwood Mac’s “Break the Chain”? “Sidewalk” would probably fall toward the earlier levels of the game setlist (”Amp Warmers”), but know your abilities should you dare to attempt it in Expert Mode.

“Sidewalk” – Built to Spill 3:51 (Keep It Like a Secret, Warner Bros. 1999)

Don Caballero “Stupid Puma” Don Caballero 2 Touch & Go 1995

As rewarding as it would be to throw “Stupid Puma” in the faces of aging proggers complaining about the lack of Yes or King Crimson selections, this Don Caballero mindfuck would be better served as a bonus track to be purchased with the leftover gig money. It would only be fair, since the game doesn’t include tutorials in advanced mathematical formulas, critical for navigating through the 5/8 to 11/8 to 12/8 to 7/8 signatures that abound here. To the cooperative players faced with the choice of Lead or Rhythm the option is moot, as you’re still going to be using every last iota of concentration left just to get through the song. And to answer your question: yes, drummer Damon Che is deliberately trying to sabotage your performance. Perhaps a more suitable challenge would be to see who can drink the most and get through 75% of the song before it all falls apart in front of a dissatisfied audience. The more sober among us will be thanking the powers that be that “Stupid Puma” isn’t a requirement for winning the game.

“Stupid Puma” – Don Caballero 4:20 (Don Caballero 2, Touch & Go 1995)

Emperor “The Source of Icon E” IX Equilibrium Century Media 1999

Taken from the most punishing, brutal album ever created, “The Source of Icon E” will be the game designers’ answer to those blowhards on the gaming message boards who claim that Guitar Hero is too easy, even in Expert Mode. Let’s see them try to keep up with the flurries of multicolored notes that surge across their screen at light speed, their hands sweating profusely as a stream of urine trickles down their left leg – how dare thou claim to play at the level of the mighty Emperor! Sure, that menacing opening riff is manageable enough, but when the guitars throttle into overdrive at 0:52, accompanied by a blood-curdling, King Diamond-like shriek from vocalist Ihsahn, you’d be better off opting for the “quit” button to salvage any remaining sanity you have left. Again, “Icon E” would be better served as a bonus track on the setlist – it’s simply too mercilessly evil for casual gamers who’d like to have a shot at winning – but I’d still relish the opportunity to attempt it.

“The Source of Icon E” – Emperor 3:43 (IX Equilibrium, Century Media 1999)

Slayer “Angel of Death” Reign in Blood American 1986

I’m going to give Harmonix, Guitar Hero’s developers, the benefit of the doubt and assume that “licensing complications” is the reason why Slayer is nowhere to be found on either installment, especially since Megadeth occupies two selections to date. It would only be appropriate to feature “Angel of Death,” an undeniable classic from the originators of modern metal, as the final encore on the setlist. And please, guys, no interpretation from hired studio musicians (read: Wavegroup) for the audio on this one; even Slayer themselves couldn’t top the original. Instead of dumbing down the roles to Lead and Rhythm, cooperative players could simply choose Hanneman or King, and those ignorant of their stylistic differences will receive a free course in Shredding 101 by the time the solos make their appearances. Those unable to execute the riff at 1:38 – God, that riff – should promptly return to the woodshed to fine-tune their chops. Finally, in order to achieve a perfect score, the whammy bar must be used here, as your Star Power will have surely expired after a mere few bars.

“Angel of Death” – Slayer 4:51 (Reign in Blood, American 1986)

In other areas of the blogosphere (and a complete 180-degree swerve from the above content), I recently submitted a post to EarFuzz on jazz vibraphonist Bobby Hutcherson’s timeless, elegant Montara (1975).